Sunday, August 16, 2009

Dostoyevsky, thanks for helping me with my love life!

So the basic idea from Dostoyevsky was that we have the power to choose what we get out of life and how we see life. Sometimes life pitches us curve balls that are beyond our control, but that is the exception, not the rule. So the next time you have a "woe is me" moment, reconsider . . . is the world really that bad, or are you just incompetent?

Okay, ladies . . .

Most of us have had the experience of getting burned by someone we knew all along would be bad for us. You know the type, the party boy, the "popular" guy. No good, no good!

Funny how, back in the day, I used to go for those types and then gripe about how terrible men were. And, just like the narrator in the story, my bitter feelings and irresponsible actions were all a reflection of my ginormous ego. I was "too good" for the shy, quiet, less-than-perfect-looking guy in the back of the classroom. And, ultimately, I didn't want to a deep personal connection, I didn't want a real relationship. I wanted the thrill of the chase, I wanted to get bent up out of shape by the Greek God every one else lusted after. For shame! For all my griping . . . I got what I wanted . . . I chose what I got . . . I got what I deserved.

No excuses.

3 comments:

Unknown said...

It's interesting, because it's such a simple concept, but it's such a revelation when we figure it out.

How's the everyman's library classics thing coming?

Kristin said...

Yes, you're right . . . sort of along those lines, another way that I've changed is that I want to be liked back. It's so basic, but it's amazing how when I was younger I was content to pine away over guys. In the future, if I like someone who doesn't like me back, I'll take it to mean that we're incompatible in some way and I think I'll lose interest. In the past, romance was all about the other person, like they were some sort of object to be worshipped. Now I'm interested in the "we" aspect of things, interested in finding someone I can really connect with. So I don't care if the man is David Bowie himself (a past flame . . . in my dreams :) ) . . . if he isn't interested, I'll let him go.

Maybe too . . . at the end of the day, I value being happy and having fun more than I used to. I can't envision any man or any relationship being more important than those things. So if a guy is hard to win over? Nah. There's no way he could be worth the work, and he must not be right for me because whatever's right for me will always contribute to my net happiness and be fun in the most light-hearted sense of the word.

It's amazing how much garbage you can weed out of your life if you really value being happy. Most things that are harmful or detrimental to us aren't fun. It isn't fun to be greedy, to hurt others, to have a big ego, to live an unhealthy lifestyle, to be in bad relationships. Would you agree? Or do you think that some bad things can be pleasurable in the short term?

Kristin said...

Oh, by the way, the Everyman's Library thing isn't going so great. I always put my practicing first and then only read if I absolutely can't put anything more into my music, which rarely happens!

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